As hockey parents, we all know that there are as many different styles of cheering at youth hockey games as there are brands of hockey sticks.
Unless we have a private, soundproof suite at our kids’ games, we’re exposed to other parents and their cheering styles a few times per week. My own cheering style has evolved over the years as I’ve become wiser and more experienced. I certainly don’t endorse one "correct" or "best" way to cheer for our children — we all develop a style that suits us best. I do, however, offer five truths to assist novice hockey moms and dads in adopting cheering styles that will serve everyone well — from the players and coaches, to the referees, parents … and you.
1. Your child is doing the best he/she can, regardless of whether or not you cheer for him/her. It is natural for parents to believe that the words they yell from the stands can influence their child’s effort and performance on the ice. After all, cheering for our children did work when they were toddlers. By the time they’re 9 or 10 years old, however, our kids have either developed the instinct to give 100 percent at all times, or they haven’t. If they haven’t, they still might develop that mindset, but it certainly won’t be nurtured by a parent loudly urging them to hustle ("Skate! Skate!") in the middle of a game. In my experience as a parent and youth coach, I’ve noticed that the "hustle" instinct is developed at a very young age, outside of organized sports — at recess, in pickup games with neighbors, practicing with parents, etc. If you have taught your child the importance and joy of always hustling, just your presence at the game will be enough to give your child that extra boost of inspiration.
2. Your kids can’t hear you. In most sports, the athletes playing the game can easily hear and understand the words being yelled by fans from the sidelines. (This can be a good thing, or a not-so-good thing.) But ice hockey is different. Even if your child can hear and recognize your voice, he/she probably can’t understand what you’re saying, for a few reasons. First, your son/daughter is wearing a helmet, which partially covers his/her ears. Second, almost all rinks have horrible acoustics that make all sounds merge into one loud cacophony of echoes. Third, that tall fiberglass wall between the ice and you blocks much of the sound coming from fans’ mouths. And finally, your child is already paying close attention to commands and reminders from his/her coaches and teammates. Indeed, one reason not to cheer during the action is to allow your child to focus on those more important voices.
3. All of the other parents can hear you. Imagine listening to a recording of everything you yelled from the stands during your child’s most recent hockey game. Now imagine playing that recording for all of your friends, with the volume on high. Of course, you do play that recording for your fellow hockey parents at the rink, at every game. Knowing this, ask yourself these questions: Is this a recording of someone I’d want to be friends with? Does this recording reflect the kind of parent I want to be? Because the chances are your child can’t hear you, but I guarantee that all the other parents hear you loud and clear. Of course, impressing other parents isn’t our main goal when we attend our children’s hockey games, but it’s helpful to remember that the way we cheer reveals to others a lot about us. I’ve always admired those parents who cheer in such a way that no one can tell which player is their child. These are the parents who know all of the players’ names and shower them with equal encouragement and praise. And there’s a special place in the hockey parent hall of fame for those parents who cheer for all great plays, even those made by players on the opposing team.>
4. You are a parent first, and a fan second. A "fan" of a team is someone who wants that team to win. I have been a fan of all of my children’s teams. So why is it important to make a distinction between "parent" and "fan?" Because sometimes the zealous "fan" inside us takes over our personalities, overshadowing the higher-level "parent" side of us that just wants our child to do his/her best, be a good teammate, grow as a person and an athlete, and avoid injury. When you’re watching your child’s game and you find yourself getting emotionally affected by what the scoreboard says; when you feel the urge to express your disgust with a referee’s call; when you hear yourself cheering the same way you would cheer at Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final; take a deep breath and remember that you are a parent first, and a fan second. (Of course, parents of goalies get a reprieve on this one — it’s impossible not to get caught up in what the scoreboard says when your child is in net.) Keeping the "fan" side of ourselves in check is not easy to do. We all learned, at a young age, to root like crazy for our hometown professional and college teams. We learned to glorify wins and despise losses. We learned to boo the refs when our team was penalized by questionable calls. But NHL games are different from youth hockey games in many ways — most importantly the age and developmental stage of the players involved — so the way we cheer at professional games is generally not appropriate at our children’s youth hockey games. Of course we want our children’s teams to win. It’s just that, on the list of top parental priorities, that one is well down the list.
5. You are the parent, not the coach. Inside every hockey parent, there’s a coach that’s dying to break out. Even parents (like me) who never played organized hockey have the urge to communicate advice to the players that, if heeded, would (we think) improve their performance. "Move to the open space!" "Get back on defense!" "Skate! Skate!" "Cover number 5!" "Stay onsides!" I think that parents who yell coaching advice to their kids during the game believe that this is what good, knowledgable, caring, involved parents do. I certainly thought this was true back when I was a new youth sports parent. Then, my son’s AAU baseball coaches called a parent meeting in the middle of the season, and the head coach said to us, "Please don’t coach your children during the game. It’s confusing to the players to listen to coaching instructions from us and you. You can cheer for your child, but remember, we’re the coaches. Please leave the coaching to us." He was right. With respect to games, a parent’s role is to make sure the child arrives on time, has all of his/her equipment, eats a good pregame meal and is in a good frame of mind when he/she arrives at the rink. After that, Mom and Dad, it’s all about the applause (and the postgame hug).
